Supporting and guiding children during stressful times

With so much time spent indoors in close proximity to our loved ones, there will inevitably be times when the family home becomes something akin to a pressure cooker. Here Dr Janet Rose, Principal, and Julia Gaskell, Head of Consultancy and Training, have put together some helpful tips to relieve some of this pressure.

Use emotion coaching techniques to support a child’s behaviour during overwhelming or stressful times

Emotion coaching is an evidence-based approach, that helps children to learn to empathise, self-calm and self-regulate, control their impulses, motivate themselves, and better cope with life’s ups and downs – essential skills for when they’re grown-ups too!

It’s a way of telling a child that they are supported, cared about, understood and respected, whilst also communicating that not all behaviours are acceptable and that they need to moderate how to express their feelings and desires.

Its usage is supported by growing evidence from neuroscientific research about how we regulate our stress and how we come to terms with the fact that we can’t always get what we want! These are vital skills for coping with particularly stressful or overwhelming times, which we are all going to be experiencing in the days and weeks ahead.

Norland students are all trained in emotion coaching, alongside other strategies such as reading books that help children to understand their feelings.

When your child gets upset, try the following:

·        Take them to a calm space in the house - acknowledge how they might be feeling and empathise: “Ahh, I think you must be feeling tired and upset that you can’t have…. I'd feel a bit upset too but it’s not OK to throw toys.”

·        Validate their frustration or grumpiness: “It’s normal to be grumpy when we can’t have something we really want and we’re feeling tired.”

·        Be explicit about how you’re helping them and why: “I know that you want to keep playing with your toys, but it’s time for bed now and sleep is really important. It will make you feel much happier tomorrow. In the morning, we’ll play with your toys together, would that be fun? You can choose your favourite cuddly toy and story now, and we can cuddle up and read the story together before bed.”

·        Once the child is calmer you can teach them rules about behaviour and strategies for coping next time they are feeling overwhelmed, tired, or lose control.

See a messy house as a happy house

Cut yourself some slack if the house isn’t perfect. After all, kindness, love and looking after each other is more important. When the clutter gets too much, ask the children to help with the laundry and cleaning – you can even make it a game.

Manage your own worries and look after yourself

It’s a very worrying time right now, and while it’s important to have honest conversations with children, it’s also important to try and keep calm and manage our own fears when talking to them to help them to feel safe. Children will be anxious and concerned because their parents and carers are. Remember you’re their safe haven.  Take time to look after yourself and find moments of peace where you can.

Find out more about emotion coaching at Emotion Coaching UK and read the Dad Blog UK interview with Norland College Principal, Dr Janet Rose, on emotion coaching.

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Talking to children about coronavirus

One of the knock-on effects of the coronavirus crisis is increased pressure on families who are stuck at home with children along with understandable anxiety about how to manage this. Norland is creating a series of blogs to help families explain the situation to children, to relieve some of the pressure that will inevitably build-up, and plenty of ideas for entertaining young children at home.

Dr Janet Rose, Principal, and Julia Gaskell, Head of Consultancy and Training, have put together some top tips to help parents and adults when they are talking to children about coronavirus.

As parents and adults, it is important that we remember our children will be watching and learning from us during this crisis, as they do at any other time. They will be learning and developing their skills on how to respond to stress and uncertainty. It is crucial, therefore, that we use this as an opportunity to help them to be resilient (rather than panic) and to spread kindness (rather than selfishness).

Some top tips:

• Find out what your child already knows. Ask open questions that are appropriate to your child's age level. This gives you a chance to learn how much your child knows — and to find out if they're hearing the wrong information or have been told something that’s inaccurate. It also helps to address specific concerns they may have. Children take things very literally so it’s critical to check for understanding. For example, “Do you know why it’s important that we stay at home?”.  Use clear and brief information but don’t overload them with too many facts.

• Be sensitive to your child’s response and attune to their needs. If they want to talk, listen, but if they do not want to talk, respect that. You can always revisit another time. Listen to their fears without judgement and reassure them that they can talk about their feelings at any time. Children will often worry more about other people than themselves, for example the parents or grandparents. Letting them call or video-call may help alleviate concerns.

• Be open and honest. Children will worry more if they feel that things are being kept a secret from them. Help your child feel safe but tell the truth. Only give as much detail as is needed or your child is interested in and focus on what everyone is doing to stay safe. For example, be positive about all the steps we can take to wash our hands. Watch closely to ensure their anxieties appear to be relieved.

• It is OK not to know the answers to their questions. You could find out the answer together. Make sure that you visit reputable websites so that they do not see scary headlines or pictures.

• It is important to remain calm and be reassuring. Children will pick up on your body language and anxiety. So self-regulate first! Acknowledge that it is OK and normal to feel stressed. Validate and empathise with their feelings but also give them clear and reassuring facts. Be careful about what you say in front of children, even if they look as though they are not listening! This will help them to feel safe emotionally.

• These are very uncertain times for all of us and therefore a good strategy is to help children feel in control where you can. Feeling unsafe, whether emotionally or physically, generates the most stress. So empower them in different ways to feel more in control by teaching them how to wash their hands properly and talking about all the strategies in place to help keep us all safe and healthy. Be a germ destroyer with them and let them help you disinfect the home; play superheroes with them zapping or freezing the virus (unless this makes them more anxious). Keep to routines and rituals where possible. Structure helps the brain to feel safer. This may mean creating a new routine that combines old rituals with new ones.

• Be aware of how children are accessing information and news. This is especially relevant to older children who are active online. Be aware of news stories and put these into context where necessary. Avoid watching or listening to the news with your children. News programmes are intended for adults, and children may feel distraught by the information or images being shown and you cannot control the information that they will see or hear.

• Highlight the positive aspects which will also help them feel safer. Explore all the ways people are helping others and the great job doctors and nurses and other professionals are doing to protect us and make sure we’re safe. You can draw or make a list of all the helpers and think about how you can help others with your child, such as taking them to deliver food to an elderly neighbour. Explain that their nursery or school is closing to protect them and clarify why some children are still going, i.e. to help people help other people.

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How to make fish pie

After Norland’s lectures were moved online in light of recent circumstances, you might wonder how students are still able to participate in Food and Nutrition lectures as part of the Norland Diploma. Distanced lectures have seen students asked to cook nutritious meals with a hypothetical list of ingredients a client may have and to use what is in their cupboards. During these uncertain times, Rosy, a Set 42 (second-year) student, shares a recipe that is perfect for batch making as well as using common ingredients in your kitchen cupboards and a few extras you can buy in your supermarket.

Recipe

I have used the Norland fish pie recipe as a base, altering it slightly to suit the ingredients I had. However, some of the additional ingredients I have added may not be suitable for pregnant women and young children.

• 220g of fresh fish (skinless and cut into chunks). My fish was from a ‘fish pie mix’ packet. I also added some extra prawns and left-over smoked salmon which were in the fridge.
• 1 onion (finely chopped)
• 3 celery sticks (finely sliced)
• 1 pepper (finely sliced)
• handful of peas
• 25g butter
• 25g plain flour
• 175ml milk
• 1tbsp of grated strong cheese
• 1tsp mustard
• 1tsp lemon juice
• white pepper
• topping: 250g potatoes peeled and chopped
• topping: half a grated carrot
• knob of butter
• 1tbsp milk
• 20g strong cheddar (grated)

Preparation time: 25 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Heat the oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas mark 6 

Method

For the topping, put the potatoes in a saucepan and pour over enough water to cover them. Bring to the boil and then simmer.

After five minutes of the potatoes simmering, cook until the potatoes are thoroughly tender. Drain the potatoes and place back into the saucepan, add a small knob of butter and mash.

Melt the 25g of butter in a heavy-based saucepan and sauté the onion, celery and pepper until soft. Then add the flour and cook for one minute. 

Gradually stir in milk, making sure to stir well so that no lumps form. Bring the mixture to the boil, stirring constantly, so that the mixture thickens and becomes glossy. Remove from the heat.

Stir in the cheese, mustard, dill and lemon juice.

Season the fish with pepper then add it to the sauce and gently stir, careful not to break the fish.

Gently spoon the filling into an oven-proof dish.

Put the mashed potato and carrot over the filling.

Egg wash the top of the pie and bake in the oven for 30 minutes.

As this was for our family dinner, I also served the fish pie with carrot batons and broccoli, both of these were on the list of available ingredients. 

Why a fish pie?

Fish pie is very versatile and at such times of uncertainty it is important that we become resourceful when cooking and wasting as little as possible. Fish pie allows us to do this by adding whatever vegetables and fish we have available in our kitchens. It is also very important that we are getting a wide range of both macro and micronutrients in order to keep as healthy as possible, both are present within fish pie. It is a great wholesome meal, high in protein (aiding growth and repair), a good source of carbohydrate (providing energy), and contains various vegetables (providing a variety of vitamins and minerals, which promote a healthy body including strengthening immune systems). 

How can children get involved?

When making fish pie there are various stages at which children can get involved. Children can aid an adult with the slicing and dicing of vegetables, providing they use a suitable knife for their age and are monitored closely. Children can also help stir the fish pie filling together and watch how the consistency changes along with the colours of the ingredients, just be careful they are not close to the heat. 

How can we make it interactive for children?

Another fun stage children can get involved with is the mashing of the potatoes. On mashing the potatoes, you can easily sing the nursery rhyme, ‘One Potato, Two Potato’.

One potato, two potatoes, three potatoes, four.

Five potatoes, six potatoes, seven potatoes, more.

One potato, two potatoes, three potatoes, four.

Five potatoes, six potatoes, seven potatoes, more.

Food and Nutrition is taught on the prestigious Norland Diploma, which students study alongside the degree. This unique qualification teaches the practical skills it takes to become a Norland Nanny. Find out more about this practical qualification.

Keep calm and look for the helpers!

Katie Crouch is Senior Lecturer in Early Years and has worked in a range of medical and educational settings, providing a range of play based therapy, language development and educational support for children and families. This is personal piece from Katie that serves as an important reminder to us all to stay positive, focus on wellbeing and to remember those critical people who are selflessly working to keep essential services and support going.

“As a society, we have all been made aware of the up and coming challenges that face us. The reports on the television and alerts to phones and social media certainly seem to be building a picture of a future which can feel uncertain and unsafe.

What I hope to do is to help us to think about how we can look after ourselves and our loved ones at this time. I have previously written blogs as a trained and informed professional, empowered by knowledge and experience. However, what I am doing today is writing to you as a person who is also concerned about vulnerable loved ones, who is feeling at times a little overwhelmed and experiencing waves of emotions and feelings. Today, I am writing to you as a parent, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a lecturer, a former teacher, but most of all I am writing to you as Katie.

Each role or relationship I listed above conjures feelings in my heart and questions in my head. Will my parents, one of whom has a heart condition, be OK? Will they be safe? How will I be able to keep in contact with them? My sister is a frontline member of NHS staff. How can I help her to keep her family safe when she is busy helping others? How can I ensure we can keep our home a safe place for our family? How can we ensure our basic needs of food, warmth and shelter are met? My self-talk tells me to put a lid on those feelings and to carry on with a ‘stoic Dunkirk mindset’. However, the first thing I say to children is that it is OK to be worried when things feel unsafe.

Acknowledging our emotions helps us to deal with them rather than having a primal flight, fight or freeze response, which we can see when people are panic buying in the shops. We should be as reasonable with our expectations of ourselves as we would be with a child. I always say to children, that when things feel unsafe to look for the helpers. It is a well-known strategy, so why don’t we try to do that as adults?

Children will look to us as adults and will follow our lead in how we deal with this situation. We have a responsibility to show them the calm, the safety, and to show them the helpers!

For example, rather than worrying about the fact that there may be less food; buy what we need, no more, no less. The reports from other countries, who are more experienced with this situation, is that food shops stay open with people queuing for a chance to shop for supplies. This is reasonable and it means that the vulnerable can access the things they need. We may able to use online shopping with delivery to the door. Look for the people who are making food deliveries, the people working in stores, the people who are ensuring we have what we need. They are the helpers!

We can try to tune into the positive media: the communities on balconies playing music, taking exercise. People showing sheer joy in activities that we may have shunned a few weeks ago. They are the helpers!

We should consider the incredible NHS heroes who are potentially packing overnight bags so they can stay in hospital to help those who need the most help. Appreciate the teachers and helpers who are schooling and caring for the children of these health workers. Tune into the figures of the people who have recovered from illness thanks to the care of the NHS and our wonderful community support. They are the helpers!

Let’s think about the frontline support services, paramedics, pharmacists, police, firefighters, and those who ensure our houses stay warm, our rubbish is collected, our post is delivered, our IT works and keeps us connected. They are the helpers!

When children ask us questions which may feel tricky to answer, we should try to focus on the positive wording. For example, ‘Why can’t I be in school with my friends?’ Explain that the schools are shut for some children to ‘help keep people well’ or to ‘help parents who may be helping others.’ We can use technology to keep in contact with friends and family. Why don’t we support our children to contact friends, or family members? Technology, which has been blamed for stifling relationships in the past, can become our biggest tool to stay connected. Children could share a story of their day with an older relative. Could the relative read them a bedtime story via a device?

We can plan projects that we can do with our children. We can ask them for their ideas too. They are often far more exciting than ours. Can these be carried out indoors, or adapted to be done indoors? Who says you can’t have a paddling pool in the kitchen? How about having a ‘den day’, or a trip to the moon? Have a look at some of Norland’s 125 activities to do with children. Setting up a daily routine helps our children to adjust to the changes and feel safe in a familiar structure. Keeping our usual times to get up and to go to bed will also help to regulate hormones, emotions and stress levels.

It is important for us to keep busy and try to only check in with news updates at limited times during the day, ideally away from the children. Keep busy but find a balance. A way to do this, is to try to have a wellbeing hour at some point during the day. This can be something which we can do together.

There are lots of free exercise sessions which have been uploaded to YouTube for free. I personally recommend Joe Wicks’ range of accessible content for exercise and healthy recipes. Exercise is a great way to burn energy in a positive way and help our positive mindset.

If we are concerned about a loved one, either in our home or further afield, guidance can be sought from the NHS 111 website. It is important to try to stick to accessing information from reliable government sources rather than hearsay from social media. This will help us to follow the procedures based in research to help us to keep well.

Now, more than ever, it is essential that we come together and look out for others. We are social beings and need to stay connected with others. Reach out to people in safe ways and check in on people who may be more vulnerable than others. That way we can show our children that in times of crisis and worry that we can all be the helpers!

Stay safe and stay well!"

We will be sharing lots of advice and ideas for families with children that are having to stay at home. Check out our 125 seasonal activities and follow us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram for the latest advice and support.